Needing a little bit more

Today was one of those days where I knew that I might not survive.  I don’t know WHY I had that feeling in my gut, but when I parked my car, intuition told me that I needed to finish listening to Gungor’s “Beautiful Things” (which I’ve added at the bottom of this post) before I tore through the rain up to the school building.  Today was a rough day.  I like to evaluate my bad days based on how many glasses of red wine I have that night.  Tonight – there were two.  I usually don’t make it past one, considering I sip on it the entire night.

I felt like an adult today as I took the “blame” (I still hesitate to consider this a BIG issue but whatever) for an incident that really shouldn’t be my fault in the first place.  I’m not usually the person who defines their job by a box and refuses to step out of that area.  Joel and I are both like that; we are willing to do what needs to be done BECAUSE THAT’S WHY WE WORK WHERE WE DO.  He’s in medicine and I’m in education.  Sometimes our job descriptions are not just black and white and plain and simple.  I bitched and moaned to my confidants at school before bucking down and doing what needed to be done in order to prep for the insanity that will occur tomorrow.

Side note – I can only hope my students don’t hate me after what they have to do tomorrow.

Another side note – I only took the “blame” to try and get this situation under control.  One thing people like to do in the workplace is point the finger at someone else.  Sure, I’ll take it and let’s all just realize that this situation must not be a BIG deal. Apparently I was wrong.

Anyway, I finally drove away from the school around 5:00, and ended up at Target.  Joel called, wondering where I was, and as I tried to remember why I was at Target in the first place, I began to cry.  I cried in the parking lot of Target, y’all.  If that’s not the definition of pitiful, then I don’t know what is.  It was a fast cry where tears instantly poured and just as quickly as they came out, I forced them to dry up.  Once again – feeling like an adult because instead of blubbering like an idiot, I pulled it together to try to figure out (once again) why in the world I needed to go to Target.

I’m home now and after a rant fest with my husband, some tasty rolls, and glass numero 2, I’m gearing up for tomorrow.  I have a feeling that I’ll be sitting in the car tomorrow morning, as a repeat to this morning.  I found that really praying for peace and calmness is helping me to deal with the stress of the day.  This morning I woke up STILL stressed from last night and thinking about my sister in law.  I’m really trying to come to a point of depending MORE on God and less on myself.  It’s challenging for me because sometimes I don’t want to admit that I can’t handle daily tribulations.  With the season of Lent – maybe this will be something I adopt for myself. Enjoy “Beautiful Things.” I find it to be one of the most comforting songs I’ve heard in a long time.

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