No, what do “they” say? And who in the world is “they” anyway?!?
Nothing like a small tangent to get started on a Monday morning.
This past weekend was Joel’s birthday. Being the birthday boy, I gave full permission to choose any film of his liking for Friday night where we would be gorging ourselves on popcorn and butta (YES my husband and I are freaks because we emailed each other about POPCORN and BUTTA for days before because we are on diets and the thought of hot, buttery, salty popcorn was enough to get us through the hardships of a tough week). He chose Battle: Los Angeles. I bit my tongue from any negative comments and said “Ok!”
At one of our nice movie theaters in town, you can purchase tickets early, which is what we wanted to do since it was Friday night AND opening night for this film. Since the good seats were becoming limited, we bought the tickets before EVER reading a review. But seriously, did I have to read a review to know this film was going to be terrible??
Oh and let me just add that anything with Michelle Rodriguez RUINS EVERYTHING FOREVER AND ALWAYS. Amen.
So when she showed up, it was all over for me. As if she will be the one to save the day. Hello – didn’t we all see what a disaster you were in Lost and Avatar?? So I then began to snicker and look to Joel as if to say “Seriously?! Did that just come out of their mouths?”
For instance – “You know what they say about hitting deer….! Speed up!!”
Um…ok. I grew up in the South. I have spent my life avoiding deer with my car. A deer will total your car or at least put a good size dent in it. Plus, I have a mother who is a deer advocate. Not that that’s an official position BUT if it was, she would have it. She gets upset at her neighbors who put up fences because it trapped the deer inside and the deer panic and cannot run freely around the neighborhood. My mother’s heart bleeds for deer in her slowly-turning-way-too-suburban-area outside of Memphis City limits. My mom is precious.
Because my parents still live in the house I grew up in, I know all the curves of the street down the last detail. I know how fast to take the curves and truly at what speed you could do such racing – uh, I mean driving. I also know that because there are no street lights out there, animals like to pop out in front of your car.
One night, while we were still in high school, my best friend, Jake, and I were on our way back to my house. He loved to drive and cart me around and I was happy to oblige. It was already dark and as we rounded a bend, the headlights caught a large pair of eyes to the right of the car. Having a normal reaction, Jake immediately slams on the brakes. While screeching for the next 25 feet, the baby deer suddenly decides to run into the road. However, we were there first. The babe slams into the finder of the car, rolls on top of the hood, and proceeds to tumble onto the pavement on the left side of the road. As quickly as it could muster the coordination to do so, the deer took off into the woods.
Jake and I sat there. Stunned. In silence.
I’m sure a few choice words then proceeded.
When Jake’s mom noticed the car a few days later, she furiously demanded to know what he did to earn such a dent on the side of the car. Needless to say, she didn’t believe him that a deer ran INTO his car. But it’s true. I stand as a witness.
**Why is it that I can remember this incident from 10 years ago but can’t remember what happened last week??**
Suffice it to say, I would NOT waste my money on Battle Los Angeles. I wouldn’t even Netflix it. As a general note, I hope that actors will soon stop trying to imitate Christian Bale’s Batman Voice. The only person who should be using that voice is CHRISTIAN BALE. When he is BATMAN.