I have been told that I am not a negative person, and I believe that. For the most part, I try to stay positive and always find some benefit or good out of any situation. I have to keep reminding myself to do that now that I’m in a new city in a new state and in a place that I do not like. I’m struggling with saying I “hate” it here, because hate is a strong word and I don’t know if I’ve given this place enough time to really form that impression yet. We’ve lived here about a month and I’m struggling to find the positives. It’s been so gray, overcast, and cold. On days that it is sunny, I can’t take the baby out because the wind is too strong for any sort of walk to be pleasant. The dogs are going crazy being cooped up inside all the time. I have to keep them in a bathroom because if I leave them in the laundry room, they instantly crap and pee all over the floor. There are only so many times I can clean it up before I want to strangle them. So in an effort to save my sanity, I keep them locked up. They want to go outside but it’s too cold even for them with their coats on.
And then there are the little things I need and miss. During the week, Lila and I would frequently go on errands. Costco, Target, and Publix were visited almost every week in an effort to replace necessities (milk) and for sanity (OMG GET ME OUT OF THIS HOUSE). I have none of those stores now. Sure we have other places here (Walmart – sigh. Y’all, I’m trying to make see it in a more positive light but I just can’t.) but it’s not the same. And this seems SO DUMB for me to be bitching about stores that we don’t have. But when you’re at home all day long, I need some sort of incentive to get out of the house. Walmart is not an incentive.
On the bright side, the TJ Maxx is waaaaay nicer and more organized than any of their other stores I’ve ever seen. Even the clearance racks at Kohl’s were still organized according to size. The Chili’s here is a testing site for future stores and it might be one of the nicest chain restaurants I’ve been to. One benefit to living here versus any other place in the South, is the farming community. The farmers here are extremely active in pushing their produce and meat to the average consumer. In their local chain of grocery stores (kinda reminds me of Huntsville’s Star Market), they carry local produce, dairy, meat, and other products like breads and popcorn. THIS I LOVE. The farmer’s market is only one day a month throughout the winter but even going to that, it was better than the farmer’s markets I went to in Huntsville. I’m hoping for good things to come out of the weekly summer market.
Probably the most frustrating part of living here is that I’m already planning on moving back to the South. I want to be closer to our family – end of story. Instead, we moved much farther away and are on the way to no one. Joel and I have both talked about how we probably won’t live here for more than 5 years, mainly because we want our families to be a big part of Lila’s life. Joel didn’t grow up around family and I did. I think that’s one thing he definitely missed out on growing up overseas. So with that in mind, I KNOW I can live anywhere for 5 years. I know I can. But it was so much easier when we moved to Huntsville because I started graduate school and was automatically thrown into social situations with opportunities to make friends. Now? I am home-bound with an infant and two whiny dogs. I have to keep reminding myself that I didn’t like Huntsville when I first moved there, and I grew to LOVE it. But….I just don’t see that happening here.
I keep telling myself that THIS is why we moved.
So this little girl gets to see her dad when he’s not completely stressed out. So that he wants to give her a bath every night and read her stories. So that he can help his wife clean the kitchen after the baby is in bed.
I just have to keep reminding myself of this.